A new experiment in not judging - oh it's a doozy!
A few days ago I went inside the grocery store for the first time since February. We've been doing online pickup orders and every once in a while I had been sending my husband to the store. It stressed him out so I thought I would go. Ugh. I was astounded to see staff looking like zombies doing the best that they can, the store less than clean and disorganized with less things on the shelves (seriously, who is doing all of this baking?), there was a couple who had no shoes on (No. Shoes. On.), two guys on vacation who didn't have masks on... you get it. You've seen it, I'm sure. It's humanity in one box. And it's not exactly pretty.
But here's the thing. The feeling I had, overwhelmingly, is that I don't want to like humanity less. I want to have empathy and compassion for wherever anyone is in their life because, honestly, I have zero idea what is going on for someone else.
This Week's Experiment
Stop your head from judging:
the parents who chose to put their kiddo back in school this week.
the parents who chose to do distant learning.
the person who is walking down the street without a mask even though it seems a little crowded.
the person who makes the rash comment on Facebook that you don't agree with or understand.
the person who doesn't seem to be as concerned about the pandemic as you are.
the person who is too concerned about the pandemic.
the person who is making life choices that fall out of alignment with what you think are good and healthy.
the person who posts online all of the time and seems stuck in their ideology.
the person in line who is just a little too close.
You tell me - who is it that you have a hard time not judging? Email me and I'll add it to the list.
You get the idea.
When you start feeling that judging feeling just stop yourself. Why? Why not just keep thinking you know best? You can. You absolutely can, but the problem is that you are separating yourself from others. You might be thinking... good, I don't want to be with those fools anyway. And I get that. But if we are going to heal as a nation (and that's what I'm here for - a full healing) we are going to need to remember how to allow other people to think, live and believe differently than we do. Period.
No. This does not mean that I am condoning racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia or any other hate filled thing. There is a constant learning and unlearning that needs to happen. And I know this - people don't learn from people who have shut them out. They don't learn from people that have judged them. They do not learn how to be different from people who are not acting different.
I truly believe that this is our moment. Our moment to show a different way of being. One of empathy and compassion. One that SHOWS the way instead of yells the way. One that shares truth and does not belittle. One that understands that we are ALL in the process of learning and unlearning.
This place isn't an easy place to stand. Trust me. I know. My sister used to call me the judge because I saw the world so black and white. But I've learned. I lost her many years ago and it softened me. It changed me. I understand now that a hardened heart can't reach out to others in a way that they will learn or change. I blew it with her and I had to learn the hard way that compassion brings people together not judgement.
I hope you will join me in this week's experiment. Join me over on Facebook Live on Wednesday at Noon and we can talk about how it is going. How is stopping yourself from judging helping, is it challenging and do you have some tips (I have one that I'll give you to stop judgement in its tracks).
As always, let's #DoGoodWork
and I hope to see you over on Insta!
xo - Jackie Wolven
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Why is this called "the Sunday Sermon"? I send it out on Sunday, but mostly it's my way of fulfilling my life long wish to be a Unitarian minister. That path didn't materialize for me and instead I share my mistakes, life journey through professional and personal development here with the hope of uplifting and spreading the gospel of #DoGoodWork around the world.