Are you allowed to have fun when it's horrible?
This was a particularly hard week with the presidential debate fiasco, Chrissy Teigan's heartbreak and then the White House Covid news. All not good. And it is really easy to get locked into the cycle of horrible news (and I'm not playing it down - it is horrible). As a good friend wrote after the news about the President, "our speculating won't change the outcome".
And that is true. Thinking out all of the scenarios of what could, might, should happen only leads to more thinking about what could, might, should. And the truth is that we, you and I, have no control over any of those larger stories happening in the instant news cycle.
This has taken me years to understand - overanalyzing people and situations do not change the people or the situation. They just waste my time and energy.
If I don't have actual control over a situation or the ability to change something with my input I might need to stop obsessing and move onto one of the many things I do have control over. This was hard medicine for this earnest woman. I want all the things to happen... change... be made right. And that just isn't how the world works. And in all of that earnestness and wasted contemplating I lost out on the fun of here and now.
Yep. Fun. Fun when the world is falling apart. Fun when there are things so awful that you can't begin to understand the outcome. Fun when you have tried to make change and change just isn't happening fast enough. Fun even then.
Fun does not come naturally to me. I am a planner of fun for others for sure (that's been my literal job for the last 25+ years)... but that isn't exactly what fun is in my everyday life.
First I have to squash the guilt of having fun when the world is on fire. Check.
Then I have to decide to put down the devices. Check.
Then I have to stop talking about it. Check.
Then I have to just do something... something fun.
In the last several days I have:
Baked oatmeal chocolate cookies and went off the rails changing the recipe to gluten free with a touch of nutmeg and orange zest - so good.
Watched the Great British Bake Off (why do I only get one episode a week!)
Played catch with our mitts in the front yard at dusk.
Painted three new peony paintings.
Read a cozy mystery.
Talked to my husband about planning a surf trip to Mexico that we won't be able to take probably until 2022, but it was still fun.
Washed a wall with a Tide/Bleach mixture (inspired by GoCleanCo on Instagram) and it looks amazing - yes my fun is weird.
Picked more tomatoes (they just won't stop)!
None of that was difficult to manage - but instead of overthinking and overanalyzing I just found ways to inject fun. Not rollercoaster excitement. Just everyday fun.
And it felt great.
Here's what I know:
Watching the instant news cycle constantly doesn't change the news. Instead, pick a time to find out what is happening, read/watch that, and then move on. Going down the rabbit hole doomscrolling won't change the news it will just infect your life, your mood and your ability to live in the present.
It is ok to put down the device and engage in your real life. Plan a spectacular meal, call a friend, clean out a closet, take a fall walk, carve some pumpkins... the list goes on. You are not less interested in what's happening out there if you are not commenting online 24/7, lamenting to friends/family, or worrying in your own head.
You get one life. This is it. And however challenging this moment is you choose how you show up for it. You can wring your hands or you can find the things that bring a smile. Yes, you can trudge through life, people do, or you can decide that you are going to love it. Personally, anytime I have trudged it feels awful and I don't think we are here to feel awful.
Having trouble figuring out what would be fun? Make a fall wish list. Figure out all the things you wish you could do this fall season and do them - or at least some of them. They don't have to be fancy or make sense to anyone else (hence my wall cleaning joy). They just need to be things that you plan and would enjoy doing. Science says that the joy is in the planning anyway... so plan away.
No one can tell you what is fun. Your fun can be your own weird fun. You might like walking in the moonlight on golf courses, dancing to the Fitness Marshall, making hats for your cats, planning trips to Iceland, learn to juggle... it doesn't matter what you find fun. You might have to try a bunch of stuff and work out what you think is fun. Not to get too goal oriented here, but you could make a list of stuff you always wanted to try and try on each season. Who knows? You might find your ultimate fun.
Your happiness pisses people off and that's a good thing. Seriously, there are people on this planet that seem to relish in if you are unhappy. Do not let them win. My mom used to say that living a good, happy, creative life was the best revenge. I don't believe in revenge necessarily, but I do believe in not letting the suckers get me down. And finding my own joy is the way I do that.
Joy is a radical act. I absolutely believe this now. If the world is crushing you down and you can find one slice of joy you are practicing a radical act. Because you are saying this life is amazing no matter what. No matter what... and right now that is super radical.
The news is going to keep happening. You can't escape that. Choose what you have actual control and change over and work towards that and for the rest of your time plan and do things that bring you joy. It's radical - just like you. How are you having fun? Reply back and let me know. I'll also be live on Facebook on Wednesday at noon talking about possible Fall fun. Join me there to share your fun.
XO- Jackie
Jackie Wolven | Empowering Real Places & People
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