Buh Bye, "Friends" - How I lost 600 pounds of mental weight
Note: I'm making some changes and I'm going to start sending my Tiny Love Letter's out on Sunday's. I always wanted to be a minister (I was raised Unitarian) and I'm going to just follow that desire to sending you Sunday Sermon's to uplift, enlighten and, hopefully, bring value to you your life & work. I may also send out a Wednesday message... my Mormon friends will know that they are Family Home Evening messages and my Christian friends will see them as Wednesday church (very lower case, in this case).
In the last few months I've had numerous conversations with women around how unhappy social media has made them - specifically Facebook. They center around seeing things they don't want to see, being frustrated with people that they follow, or just pure overwhelm. And I share the same feelings. It isn't that we want to put our heads in the sand, but we want to get our news from actual news sources not strange meme's shared by that guy that you met once at a conference.
Let's Go Back in Time
When Facebook started (or allowed regular people on and not just University students) it seemed like the goal was to friend as many people as possible. It was like a competition. And it became the way that you connected to people you met. They would send you a friend request and you would say yes. For me that was in 2011... a long time ago.
Then we had the added pressure to friend everyone in our community because Facebook made it the only way you could invite people to your organization's events - you had to be actual friends with them. So you, I, added more people to our growing list.
That brings us to where we are today - a bulged out friend list of people that aren't our actual friends, that in some ways we are commodifying into possible invites to events, and who have evolved over time just like we have into different people than we were in 2011.
Using Media for Your Goals Not the Platform's or Anyone Else's Goals
So, I did it. I unfriended half of my friend list. I was at 1200+ and now I have just over 600+. I let go of people I couldn't even remember, accounts that had been deactivated, dead people, people who actively avoid me in the grocery store, people who really don't like me in real life, people who I have nothing in common with, people who don't need me to fill up their feed with my junk and people who I never really wanted to be friends with in the first place.
I also unfriended people that I follow on other platforms (Instagram and LinkedIn) and I prefer to interact with them there or we are connected in a group and I can keep up with them there.
First things first - it mostly isn't personal. I just wanted to use the platform in a way that makes sense for my personal life and my professional life.
If you are reading this and realize that I might have unfriended you it might be because I follow you somewhere else or it might be because we haven't connected in a long time. If we need to reconnect, let's do it on Instagram or LinkedIn or here in email!
There are a number of places to connect with people and for me those are Instagram, LinkedIn, in Facebook Groups, on my Facebook Page, via email, text, and in real life. Now I see my Facebook "friends" as people I'm actually friends with and my Facebook Page as the place to connect with me professionally on that platform.
How does it feel? Like a psychic weight has been lifted. I don't have to unfollow or hide people, I can look at my Facebook feed and actually feel good - you know, like friends make you feel. I still have some work to do. There were people that, politically, I've stayed connected to there and I'm working through how I move them to a different place for connection. When I get that figured out I'll be sure to tell you.
Let's Chat About That
Now you tell me... how does your Facebook friend list make you feel? Interested in making changes? Let's hop on a Facebook live next Wednesday at noon for a chat about how we can set some boundaries and still make it all work personally and professionally.
As always, let's do good work!
xo - Jackie Wolven
I've been doing a lot of small business and artist consulting - if you are wanting to pivot, launch or need someone to talk through and idea I am available. Connect and let's see how we can work together.