Everybody Cries Even People Who Work
TLDR: recognizing and normalizing crying at work is not about promoting unbridled emotional outbursts but rather creating an environment where individuals feel supported and understood.
Let's talk about crying at work.
Reading those words probably had many of you close the tab in your browser. I get it. It's a complicated topic. I started working in Corporate America in the 90s. It was all red power suits and shoulder pads to puff us up. And as a woman, the women I had in leadership adopted norms cultivated by men. These included:
Never showing weakness.
Never being sick or showing that you were sick.
Always be able to defend or articulate your position to come out on top.
Consistently showing up.
Not avoiding conflict.
Taking charge and being assertive.
Not being emotional.
Definitely no crying.
While some of those things are okay - I absolutely credit my work ethic to that early exposure to corporate culture. Yet, the idea that we were supposed to suppress all emotions at work was ludicrous.
Crying at work can be a taboo subject, laden with societal expectations and workplace norms that often discourage displays of emotion. However, times are changing, and there's a growing recognition of the importance of acknowledging our humanity in the workplace.
Times They Are A Changing (cue Bob)
Owning that we are fully functioning humans with a range of needs ranging from physical to mental and everything in between has become the norm. Thank goodness.
One key aspect is the evolution of workplace culture, particularly concerning gender norms. The corporate landscape of the past, with its emphasis on stoicism and unwavering toughness, has given way to a more inclusive environment that recognizes the validity of emotional expression. This shift is crucial in fostering a workplace where individuals feel comfortable bringing their whole selves to work.
Why do we cry?
Understanding why we cry is essential in destigmatizing this natural response. Humans cry because our nervous systems are dysregulated, and crying allows the body to regulate itself. It's a built-in system and a feature, not a bug. We cry when we are sad, surprised, frustrated, angry, in grief, anxious, joyful and full of love.
Crying serves as a mechanism for emotional release and regulation, allowing individuals to process and cope with various stressors. Moreover, it serves as a form of communication, signaling to others that we are in distress and often eliciting empathy and support. Basically, it's Hey, I need a hug signaling.
We Learn About Crying As Kids
But the messages we are given all through life about crying make that natural phenomenon full of triggers for many people. Who hasn't heard an adult tell a child not to cry if that child is a boy - the chances are even more significant. We learn early on that we should suppress any outward emotion and that learning takes dedication to unlearn.
Embracing Our Full Spectrum of Emotions
I've been in therapy for five years (the best investment I've made as a leader), and during that exploration into my own mental health, I have come to a place where I cry easily and without shame. I mostly cry because I am overjoyed or when I get that uplifting feeling from something inspiring, but I also cry when I have disappointed someone or myself.
Yet, despite the inherent benefits of crying, societal messages often perpetuate shame and stigma surrounding emotional expression, particularly for certain gender identities. The notion that crying equates to weakness or lack of professionalism is deeply ingrained, requiring intentional efforts to dismantle.
Breaking free from these constraints involves unlearning ingrained societal norms and embracing a more compassionate and empathetic approach to workplace interactions. This includes fostering a culture of psychological safety where individuals feel empowered to express their emotions authentically without fear of judgment or reprisal.
Ultimately, recognizing and normalizing crying at work is not about promoting unbridled emotional outbursts but rather creating an environment where individuals feel supported and understood. By embracing our humanity and honoring the full spectrum of human emotions, we can cultivate more inclusive, resilient, and compassionate workplaces.
Your Turn
Have you cried at work? Has your attitude about crying at work changed?
Speaking/Facilitation - I'm booking for summer and fall facilitation and speaking projects. I've been asked by several groups to do group goal-setting for teams. If that is something your team could benefit from, let me know.
Paintings - I'm still painting and trying to work out what I will do with the series when I'm done in the summer. A show, maybe sell them online - I don't know. You can follow along on Instagram Stories.
Sharing - I just realized that if you have a premium account on Spotify, they offer audiobooks, and I've jumped into Ann Patchett's Tom Lake.