Forgive? In the workplace? We're going there? Yep.
I have a tendency to hold onto grievances... things I think people did to me that I can't seem to let go. It's not a proud moment to admit. It's not like I have a list of grudges and actively work to make life miserable for them... I'm not a super villain. I just will replay past things that felt crummy when I'm tired, hungry or bored. See. Not a proud moment.
And in the workplace it's not great to hold onto these grievances for a couple of reasons. One you continue to tell the negative story in your head about your person making it hard to relate to them, celebrate them or just let it go. And worse, other people cease on those divides and continue to bring them up. I'm guilty of it all.
Here's the antidote... forgive them. I know that people don't talk about forgiveness in the workplace, but they should. People are dynamic and they have interactions that sometimes go sour. Instead of pretending that didn't happen, work towards a culture or at least a personal culture of acknowledging, healing and forgiving.
Sure, some transgressions aren't worthy of your time and you should ditch that workplace. Yes! I fully support that. But often the ruffle is bad, but not the worst thing that has ever happened. I also acknowledge that this is not easy. Forgiveness on any level can be really hard - especially if the culture you are working in prefers to fester the divide. It's our work to do to move towards forgiving.
Why? You will be more productive. You will foster better relationships. You will feel free. You can let out a sigh of relief that you are not holding onto that crap anymore.
Easy? No.
You will have to probably deal how you forgive someone in two ways: your own personal journey of forgiving and combatting the conversations that bring up the wound over and over.
For yourself, remember, you don't have to know how you are going to forgive someone you just have to be open to it. Just tell yourself that you are ready to forgive that person. Tell yourself every time you think about them or the situation. Just repeat it. That you are really ready to forgive.
When other people, including friends, coworkers and family bring it up, just defer out of the conversation. I am fond now of just saying I don't know about that and changing the subject. I'm not interested in rehashing it or discussing it - which will unless you have done the work to actually forgive them - will just drag you down a negative path. Instead, just say you're not really thinking about that anymore and move on. Eventually, they will get the hint.
Warning! It is continual work. I know... you thought I could just snap my fingers and it would be done, but the mind is a sneaky thing. You may think you are over it. You aren't thinking about the situation or them anymore. You can even just wish them well in your mind and smile when you see them. So much progress... and then they do something else and someone else ceases on it to dredge it all back up again. Ugh. Just build on where you were and give yourself some space. This will take all of your gumption and skill to navigate through this, but you can do it. You've done so much work around this person of letting them go and forgiving just, and I know this is hard, don't care that much. Unless it 100% impacts your actual life or work - do not care. Let the idea of it all, the injustice, just let it go. And when a "friend" brings it up just say you don't care. Period. That moment is a HUGE win and should be celebrated.
Have you ever forgiven someone? What worked for you? I'd love to know. Reply back and let's talk about forgiveness as easily as we talk about our grudges. We are all in this together to make the world a better, happier place.
As always, let's #DoGoodWork
and I hope to see you over on Insta or LinkedIn!
xo - Jackie Wolven
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Why is this called "the Sunday Sermon"? I send it out on Sunday, but mostly it's my way of fulfilling my life long wish to be a Unitarian minister. That path didn't materialize for me and instead I share my mistakes, life journey through professional and personal development here with the hope of uplifting and spreading the gospel of #DoGoodWork around the world.