Green with Envy: Exploring Community, Capitalism, and Kindness
TL;DR: I wrestle with jealousy and uncover insights about community, capitalism, and kindness. I'm an advocate for celebrating others' successes, fostering connection, and resisting divisive forces.
I'm not proud of how green with envy I get around other communities in my region that have more resources and provide more services or opportunities for their residents. It's embarrassing because, in reality, I WANT every community to thrive, and I KNOW intrinsically that them having a fun thing or an important thing doesn't mean we, too, couldn't have that thing. And yet, I am never inwardly or outwardly happy about it in the moment. It takes me a beat to recover my damn mind.
Recently, I've had some epiphanies about jealousy and how I'm coaching myself out of this cycle of envy. (If you are having other kinds of jealousy, this might help, too.)
FIND THE CRUX
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of celebrating my grandson's golden birthday. He's seven and chose the theme of gold for the whole party, which is quite something to see when large groups of kiddos and their caregivers show up dressed in every configuration of gold. Anyway, the parents and the kids went to a silent disco the city had put on the night before. Which is a VERY cool thing, and yet... I was frustrated because I had tried to do the same thing with minimal resources.
What I realized, though, is that what I was jealous of was that their community prioritizes its citizens. They use their advertising and promotion dollars to develop programming that, yes, is for tourism, but as far as I can see, is only really attended by locals. They are creating a community in which people want to live.
That concept has yet to stretch to our community. Our city has taken the idea that what is essential is the tourists because its only industry is tourism. What they miss out on, though, is that if they create things that locals want to be part of, the visitors love it even more because the local community is part of the overall draw to the visitors. Unfortunately, they still need to get that mix down right. This leaves my tiny organization and a few others trying to make those magical moments happen for the community with limited resources.
The lesson for me is that jealousy isn't about the event. It is a more significant problem I'm working to solve. Honing in on what I'm jealous of helps me understand what I want.
So, jealousy is a guide to the crux of the issue and, in fact, is helpful. It just takes me a hot minute to figure it out.
BROKEN CAPITALISM THRIVES ON ENVY
The other piece of this jealousy picture is that it's part of what I see as the broken capitalist economy. Capitalism thrives on envy because it makes you want something you don't have. Wanting isn't bad, but the system is broken when you fixate on what someone else has and get some idea that you can't have it.
And yet, we see this dichotomy repeatedly in shows, movies, etc. My very favorite Parks and Rec has the town of Pawnee always jealous of Eagleton. It's done tongue-in-cheek, but the feelings of envy are so strong that we root for a little less resourced Pawnee instead of celebrating the resources that Eagleton has used for their citizens. It might make for good TV (and it does), but in practice, it's awful. Making someone else feel guilty or ashamed because they live in a place that has either more resources or makes different choices with those resources isn't healthy for you, the community, or even the country.
Looking through the eyes of celebration, we can be happy for the folks enjoying what they have and begin to have conversations in our communities about what we might want. Using that twinge of jealousy as a spark to get something lit is a much better use than feeling like you were left out of the party. Plus, resisting the capitalist idea that you can buy your way into happiness is a good practice for realigning our values as people and communities.
IT'S COOL TO BE KIND
In my community, we are also the object of envy. There is a long-running rift between our neighboring community and us. We are divided by the Kings River, and it has been said that the divide is too great to bring the two cities together even though we are in the same county. They are jealous of our resources, and we get very smug about being the "cooler" community.
The division plays out in how the folks working for the county communicate with us across the river. They can be dismissive and sometimes downright rude, and we can flaunt our progressiveness and be a bit unkind, treating them as unsophisticated hillbillies. Frankly, it isn't very good on both sides and if we could just see one another with kindness, we might get along better as a country. Because, like it or not, we are in rural Arkansas, and I'm sure the rest of the country could care less about the entire state. Standing together with a bit of pride for this place we all love so dearly might get us further along.
BE WARY OF DIVIDERS
I've come to see my role as a connector, and I'm wary of people, parties, or systems that work to divide us further. It's an election year, and we will keep talking about red and blue states. From living in rural Arkansas, I know it's all purple. We may like to say that we are red or blue, but people are complex. They have varying ideas about policies, problems, and concepts. There is no red or blue person like there is no red or blue place. We are all just people trying to make it the best we can.
When I hear others dividing us in any way, I am wary. I am skeptical when I listen to people carving out their place as something separate from the whole or excluding another place. Jealously can be used easily to divide people. It's easy to see and then use for nefarious purposes. This sounds like a DC Multiverse plot, but we see this in the debates between urban and rural, coasts and the heartland, and state region against region. When a party or politician pits one area against another, be wary. We are not pawns; we are people trying to make our places matter.
Listening - I've been listening to this playlist my daughter and I collaborated on for spring.
Watching: I'm deep into Franklin on AppleTV. If you are watching it, we should have coffee.
New To Me—I wasn't sure what the hype was all about for Squishmallows, and then I got my grandson and me matching ones. Mine is named Frog, and his is Toad.
Deep Dive - I'm listening to The Wisdom of Your Body and loving it.
Speaking/Facilitation - I am presenting on Messy Inclusive Boards at Main Street Now in Birmingham, Alabama. I'm also stepping into a facilitation project for teams in Appalachia and am so excited to help them on their entrepreneurship journey. If you are looking for a speaker or a skilled facilitator for your conference, let's talk about how I might be a good fit.
Thank you!! I shared this on Facebook to give people an idea of what we can do in our community. I hope your article inspires others to improve their own communities!