I stood up for myself because I told someone else to.
Oh. I did a scary thing. I asked someone to respond to me with kindness and respect. I know that many of you will think that respect is earned. I think respect is a given. As humans we are here to amplify and uplift not tear down on another. But even if I thought it was earned I would expect peers in leadership to treat me with respect. But I've never really asked for it until now.
As a woman in the workplace I have seen, heard and been subjected to all kinds of bad behavior by peers and leaders. I've had nasty emails sent to me, veiled threats, someone tried to kick me (like actually kick me), one guy smoking a cigar just talked to my boobs the whole time and the list just goes on.
And as a woman in the workplace I have just taken it. I've complained to my husband, vented to friends, felt terrible and just endured. I've never talked to an HR professional, filed a complaint or done much about it. I just endured.
If you are a guy in the workplace and you are thinking I'm exaggerating just ask any woman that you have worked with what they have had happen to them and your eyes are going to bug out. Seriously crazy stuff.
But not now. If you aren't willing to treat me with kindness and respect I'm going to call you out on it. I've been working as a professional too long to put up with that. I'll be nice about it, but I'm not going to let it fester. I won't do this if I don't think the relationship is worth it. That's the kicker right... if there is value in the relationship wouldn't it be worth treating one another with at the very least professionalism? The problem is that not everyone values the same relationships and people won't know they crossed a boundary with you if you don't actually tell them. You have to tell them.
Why now? Mostly because this week I told a friend who asked me if they should confront someone who behaved badly towards them they should say something. They were going to anyway they just wanted a little nudge. If I told her to do it I couldn't very well let that cutting email just sit in my inbox could I? Nope.
I emailed them back with a short note. Whew. It's a BIG WIN to stand up for yourself.
But we can do it. You can do it.
If you have a similar situation or need a pep talk reply back and let's chat about that.
Whatever is happening in your world right now know that you are doing great and I'll see you in your inbox next Sunday with another Sunday Sermon.
As always, let's #DoGoodWork
and I hope to see you over on Insta or LinkedIn!
xo - Jackie Wolven