I'm gritting my teeth
Never a good sign and honestly where is the fun?
I've been gritting my teeth.
That is never a good sign.
I grit my teeth when a client couldn't make up their mind, when someone else couldn't find the log-in information I had sent for Zoom when the car in front of me was doing that thing where they speed up and slow down with no apparent reason, and when my husband was skipping songs every 20 seconds on a Spotify playlist.
Nothing major. Just life stuff. But I was biting down so hard.
Deep breath.
Everything is going well. I'm doing enjoyable projects, I'm back to writing here (and connecting to you), I'm meditating (although I've been grimacing through that, too, now that I think of it), I'm back to painting regularly, I'm coaching clients... all good good stuff.
And then today, I realized three things were happening: I'm peopling too much. I spent the last year and a half in a small cocoon of my own making with little interaction. I wasn't thriving, but I was not stressed.
I'm an ambivert... that odd duck that loves talking to a large group of people, sharing energetically for bursts of time, and bopping in for a coffee to chat... but then I need downtime—recovery from the people.
The other thing happening was I was squishing too many things into my days - too many meetings (see the over peopling), too many projects, too many things to do. I was sliding into that pre-covid rush.
And also, hello, where is the fun? The belly laughs? The silliness? I need more fun. When life is bearing down, the antidote is often having more fun—flapping around in the kiddie pool, telling fart jokes with my five-year-old grandson, dancing in the garden, and watching something that makes me laugh. During Covid, we watched dozens and dozens of Netflix comedy specials because we needed the laughs. I might need to go back to that because I mostly think life is funny and humans are hilarious.
But yay for me. I had several days of teeth gritting, and then I realized - whoa, girl, you have something going on. Pre-covid/pre-therapy, I would have just bit down harder and kept going, miserably marching towards burnout. Because that's what I thought good people did. That is how I got by bonus points (not actual bonus... just fake points). That is how I pleased people because I thought that, too, was what we were supposed to do.
Hallelujah, Covid era, and therapy! Can we get an amen? Seriously, people, this is a revolutionary change. And also, this is what change looks like in our lives. Small, incremental, noticing, being present, making adjustments. That's it. Well, I am diving into why I feel the need to be praised for work instead of just being human (more to come on that, I'm sure.)
What changes am I making?
Well, I am relaxing my jaw, for one.
And I am building in recovery time after I have meetings. I am just doing quiet solo work that needs to be done and building it into my calendar.
I am also not rushing to answer people when they have "problems." I'm letting other people step in, seeing if they can google it or find the solution on YouTube. I'm happy to help, but first, folks need to try for themselves to find the answers.
I'm having quiet weekends and evenings—no phone calls (that counts as peopling).
I'm planning some fun—nothing complicated or stressful, but things that I find fun and maybe a little silly.
Here's what I'm not doing.
I'm not "quietly quitting." I love the work that I do. I know that I am human, and building a human scale of working is an important aspect.
I'm not ignoring the teeth-gritting as I would have two years ago. I see that I have to deal with some more issues (it never ends, people), and I'm going to dive deeply into it. Hello, people-pleasing hell.
I'm not pretending everything is ok. Something wasn't working, and it needed to be addressed. Addressing has begun.
Honestly, I thought I addressed all of this last week in my letter to you, but obviously, I had not. Grinding my teeth was a whole new level. So let's see how this week goes, and maybe I can write about something else next week. Anything else.
I do know as we navigate this new era - does this era of Covid have a name - we are all figuring it out, and, for me, it's helpful to examine it, share it, and hear what is working for you. We are all in this new normal together, and your choices are enlightening. We aren't going to get it right at first, and there will be a period of adjustment. The exciting thing, I think, is that we are so much more open to that adjustment than we ever were before. It's a whole new world, baby!
So meet me in the comments and tell me how this is working out for you. Where are you in this new normal? Are you gritting your teeth, ignoring 98 unresponded emails, overbooking, or have you found your zen? What fun are you building into your life? Share because that's how we will get better at life, and we are all super curious. I know I am.
Hey, I'm doing a new thing. I'm offering a free Learn Along each month. The first one is on Design Thinking on August 31st at noon. We will dig into how to build programs and places with your community, not for your community. It's perfect for people in downtown development or nonprofit organizations serving the public. It would mean the world to me if you came out for it on Zoom. Your support is vital for me to continue delivering this kind of service. You can register here: Design Thinking Learn Along
And as always, love where you are - Jackie
Go hunt me down on Instagram (where I hang out online most of the time) or LinkedIn (my least favorite social platform - maybe someday I’ll tell you why)