I'm running at my own pace

Exploring my own pace and how I share what my own needs are in a society that rewards fast.

I've been thinking a lot about my pace in life and work, what I want it to be, how that might contrast with others, and how I navigate that.

I am a meanderer. I walk a 22-minute mile and run a 17-minute mile. That is tortoise slow. I know that. I could blame the fact that I have a 28" inseam or that I am curvy and thick. But, if I am being honest, that is just my pace. My husband worked with me for a while to lengthen my stride, and I could go further, but I was still slow. Then I watched my grandson run up our hill, which has the tiniest steps, so I tried that. I could go a smidge faster, but I had to face the fact that I was a slow pedestrian.

This became a massive revelation when I tried to meet folks who are part of the same coaching program I belong to. We are worldwide, some of us in Arkansas and Southern Missouri. I arranged for us to meet at a park in the area and walk the paved trail around a lake. At the beginning of the walk, one of the women said I walk fast; my whole family says so.

Red flag. But I just smiled and tried to keep up. It was 103 degrees out (which is crazy hot in Arkansas), and we took off. The other two women chatted away, and I tried to keep up for the first mile. I did ok. But as the heat bore down and the miles kept coming, I was further behind. They didn't wait for me, or if they did, they would keep going as soon as I panted my way to where they were standing in some tiny spot of shade.

It was 5.75 miles of torture trying to keep up with their pace. And I couldn't do it. I was quickly a half mile behind the whole time. So much for my goal of joining and meeting people.

I got to my car, grabbed a cold drink from my cooler, took a picture with them, and drove to my daughter's house feeling miserable. I had utterly sweated through my clothes, my hands were swollen, my heart was beating very fast, and the experience shook me.

I also was filled with gratitude for my family. My very active husband keeps at my pace when we walk. He encourages me, and we walk together. He has never made me feel slow or taken off without me. I never understood what that cost was to him. He could walk miles around me, and yet he doesn't. It's the same with my daughter. She is also very fit and could easily take off, but she has always stayed with me when we walk or hike, never complaining that I'm too slow or rushing ahead at her own pace.

When I finally cooled off, had eaten some watermelon, and got in the pool, my daughter said they were wrong to have expected me to meet their pace and shouldn't have left me behind. She has hiked with an outdoor children and parents group for the last four years, and she says they never leave a mom behind. Little kids aren't exactly running a 4-minute mile, but some faster hikers just slow to the slowest pace to walk together.

All of this had me thinking about my pace in general. For most of my adult life, I have worked at breakneck speed. I gave everything to my work and would run after anything. Others pushed me, and I exceeded their goals. I'm very good at my work and am fast, juggling a lot, and super productive. But after this experience walking, I realized that that pace almost killed me, too. Like literally. My body was so depleted I had to get blood transfusions two years ago.

Blood transfusions. That's not normal.

It was the pace. I was running at the rate of capitalism. Not my own pace at all. And what do we know about capitalism? It is a system that uses resources until depleted to extract every dollar.

I was the resource, and I was depleted.

Then Covid. I had this opportunity to slow down. To ground my feet into the earth. To explore my actual pace. Which, like my walk pace, is slower. Not only that, I like to explore where I am, feel it out, and enjoy the process. I'm not interested in filling my life with things to do. Instead, I want to enjoy the things in my life, which means slowing down to see what is being felt in the body, where my thoughts are on an idea and explore the richness of what's before me.

And now, I am using this newfound pace muscle in my work, social life, and home, and it's uncomfortable for me to express it to others. The world wants faster, more, new, exciting, splash splash splash. And I want to savor the experience and check in with myself and my teams. These are at odds, and expressing my need to be judicial with my energy and capacity is also very new. Scary stuff. It butts up against my need for outside validation, my self-worth, what I think the world expects of me, and capitalism.

And yet, I think I'm on the right path. As I explore this more deeply, I'll continue to share because, as I said, it's new.

The funny thing is that I think my work right now is some of the best work I've ever done. It's more thoughtful, exciting, and paced for humanity, not some ideal.

And, here's the thing, if you are faster and want a faster pace, I'm not trying to hold you back or judging you for it. Go. Run. Enjoy yourself. But also recognize that everyone may not be jamming at the same speed, which is how it should be. There are tortoises and hares - neither of those is wrong; they are just who they are.

What about you? Have you thought about your pace? How fast do you want to go? Who are you running with? How are they supporting your pace? Are you letting others set your pace, and are you checking in with those who are slower? Are you asserting new rules about your work as we enter this phase post-pandemic? Tell me about it. I'm curious where everyone is in this journey we call life.

Come find me on Instagram. I share mostly in Stories. I can’t figure out why I should do Reels. x- Jackie

I have a new offering. I'm doing monthly Learn Alongs virtually. The first one is on Design Thinking: Learning to build projects WITH, not FOR your community, customers, and constituents. I gave this talk to a packed room at the Missouri Main Street Conference this month, and if you are part of a nonprofit, community organization, or do project-based or place-based work, this would be a great session. In just an hour, you will get the tools to implement it in your work, and I will share how transformational the process has been for my work—on August 31st at noon central time. Please register online or forward it to someone you think might be interested. The more, the merrier.