Making your life easier by sharing my own mistakes
I think I was always meant to be a middle-aged woman. Granted, I know that women in their 50's aren't considered typically sexy or interesting and some of them just fade into the background (or that is what traditional stereotypes and media want us to think). But I must be following in my mother’s footsteps. At 50 she changed her name to Poppy from Gladys (who can blame her), painted our home Pepto-Bismol pink and started performing at poetry readings and winning national awards.
Me? I think I'm supposed to live my life out loud, fail and keep trying and then share all of that with the world. I honestly want you to learn from my big and little mistakes so maybe, just maybe, you don't have to make the same ones. I also want to share my little wins on how I navigate this world and maybe that might be helpful too.
Take this week I had a couple of life moments that made me think that yes, I can do this thing called life with a little more ease.
An Anxiety Overload: I had a big meeting and a few members of our team were pretty anxious about it. Their anxiety in the past would have bled into my own anxiety. Emotions are 100% transferable which is why you see the meme everywhere that says, "You are responsible for the energy you bring into the room." Not everyone lives by that meme, btw. In the past, I would have freaked out a bit and felt my leadership role diminish. Instead I let some time pass (almost two hours), I named the feeling "anxiety" to the whole group and I didn't let it move us off of our mark.
Time and naming are two of the best tools that I've found to working with big emotional states. You know, you can't address an anxious person and tell them not to be anxious in the midst of anxiety. It's a recipe for, well, mayhem. Having a little separation (most things are not actual emergencies) and naming the emotion help to settle the moment. I sure as heck didn't know this at 30, btw. Not even at 40. And I'm just practicing it NOW at 50.
Finding the Fear: The second thing was a meeting that went off the rails and I wasn't there to course correct. My first reaction was to call someone and vent, but I didn't do that. I, instead, called someone who was part of the meeting and heard what happened from their viewpoint. I then wrote the plan that was supposed to go into place and sent that to the folks involved with a very positive outlook. Then, hours later, I called the derailer and listened to their solutions. Having some time they were able to create their own path towards the place we were trying to go. They also told me the real real thing they were worried about and I was able to assure them we could make that happen for them. If you can get to what the REAL problem is there is often a solution there. People who derail plans aren't usually just jerks they just have some fear and by listening you can lesson that fear.
Time, Naming, Listening - this stuff isn't rocket science, but it is only now that I'm figuring it out. I could have had so much less stress and tears in my life if I learned this sooner.
I wish that I had magic wands and I could make your life sing with perfection, but instead I'm just over here experimenting with how to live a more peaceful, joyful, passionate life and get some stuff done... and taking YOU along for the ride.
50 is going to be ok! I can feel it. I've had some exceptional things happen in the last month. I received the National Arts Strategies Fellowship, I was asked to participate on a panel at Rural Rise on Diversity and Inclusion, I was awarded a scholarship from the Association of Fundraising Professionals - good good stuff. Need a speaker? I'm booking incredible stops next year with consulting attached - email me and let's talk.
As always - send me what is happening in your life. I'm curious what you are learning or what you are still struggling with because maybe, just maybe, we can figure this out together.
Jackie Wolven
@JackieWolven