When was the last time you were totally, madly, ridiculously in love? Do you remember that? Was it when you were a teenager? When you met your partner? The first time you had sex? When you saw your child for the first time? When you saw your sports team win?
When was it?
For me, it was when I absolutely and with no reserve fell deeply in love with Outlander and then consequently with Sam Heughan, the actor that plays the lead. It came out of nowhere a little over a year ago. And when it happened, I consumed every possible bit of content I could. I read all of the Outlander books (there are nine, and they are tomes), I watched every season of the show on Starz, I watched Men in Kilts, I read ClanLands, I followed Sam and all of the cast on Instagram, I read old articles about the show, I listened to the audiobooks while I gardened, I even read fan fic, and I joined My Peak Challenge the fitness and lifestyle community that he founded and have worked my butt off with the Scottish coach Valbo who trained him for Outlander. 🤷♀️
Let's just say I had it bad.
The question you might be asking (or you might have stopped reading, and I get it) is why?
Why fall in love with a celebrity? Why follow a show? Really why in my early 50's? All I can say is that I finally did not give a flying flip what anyone thought about what I liked anymore, and I just went for it (thank god it wasn't heroin, or I'd be dead).
I remembered loving things when I was young, and I just stopped. I stopped to do "serious" things or really just more socially acceptable things. I stopped because a woman or girl loving something is perceived as ridiculous and a waste of time in our society. Guys can love anything they want - cars, trains, sports teams and we let them without much eye-rolling, but if women like something with the same enthusiasm, we are often ridiculed or looked down upon.
I think there is something else going on here, too. Loving something out loud is vulnerable. People will see you. Really see you. And if you love something that is a little weird, well, they see that, too. It is much more acceptable for society to pick apart something or criticize it. If we love it, it mustn't be serious.
What if We Loved what we Wanted to Change?
People aren't looking at climate change with love; they are scared shitless... which they probably should be, but what if we remembered the thing we are really fighting for in that struggle - the things we love (sunshine, the planet, air, our lives and all of the joys that are available because the earth exists). What would the climate movement look like with pleasure? What would other causes look like? What change could we make if it was about what we loved?
Pleasure in Placemaking
And that is precisely the same tact I am taking with placemaking and downtown development. What if instead of just picking apart the millions of problems we have in our cities, downtowns, and communities and we started first with love? Why do we love where we live?
This does not negate the fact that our places have real problems. They do. It also doesn't take those problems away at the surface, but I have a core belief that if you love something, you might fight for it a little differently or with more intention. You might go out of your way to care a little more about your involvement and impact.
Yes, I get that when I mention love and downtown development or rural development or placemaking; those in the business are giving me a severe eye-roll. We have made it acceptable not to talk about love in our work. Hell, we have nixed out all feelings in the workplace, but we can delve into that again later.
You can eye-roll all you want. I know that love is the antidote to cynicism and fear. I know that love makes us do crazy things to make a difference. I know that love is what lights us up. When we allow ourselves to get vulnerable and express our joy, we can magnify that joy in others, which lights up whole communities.
Think of it like a giant concert - you bought the outrageous tickets by waiting online and clicking clicking clicking (I see you, Beyonce and Swift fans). You and your friends pile into your car and head a hundred miles away to see the band. You are electrified just in anticipation of the event. Once you get there, your eyes pop at the merch and the people in complete love with the pop idol you have all gone to see. The stadium is one when they come on stage and light into their first song. That is love out loud, and it is magic.
I believe that this feeling doesn't have to be saved just for pop stars or actors in hot TV dramas. This love can transcend to the places where we live. We just have to turn our attention there little by little.
Let's Try This
Take out your phone or a piece of paper and start making a list of all the things you love about where you live. Start big and small. It can be the hiking trails, the ice cream shop, the librarians who serve the library, and the way the kids walk to school with their crossing guard.
This month just take note. It doesn't have to be long or complex. Just write it down. At the end of the month, we can share our lists. Put them in the comments, post them on Instagram, tag me, or email me your list.
This exercise is two parts - one, you notice, and two, share the collective joys. Your joy will spark new joy. I'm excited to see it.
Things I'm Loving
I am working on a Spotify Playlist, gathering songs about downtowns and the places we live. You can add yours over on LinkedIn.
I just finished season 2 of Indian Matchmaking on Netflix, and I just loved listening to the couples who had been married for over 20 years talk about love and their marriage. What lovely partnerships and the reminder that we recommit to loving every day with our partners. Have you watched it?
I did an interview with the editor of the editorial page of the Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette all about Civic Love. Give it a listen. I never listen to myself, but I did this time, and I think it helps explain what this idea I have about loving where we live means.
And, of course, I am still loving all things Sam. 😉
Again, thank you for being here and being where you are, too. - Jackie
Hey, I'm booking speaking and facilitation with groups for Summer and Fall 2023. Interested? I'm already going to Boston and New York... I'd love to come to your group. Email me, and let's talk about what would be possible.