The Great Unlearning
I have so much unlearning to do in my professional life. Everything changed in 2020, but it began ten years ago with a popcorn necklace.
Unlearning.
It seems a bit counterintuitive to have to unlearn something when we are in the age of access to so much learning. I diagnosed and figured out the problem with our air-conditioner last week through YouTube, and we can develop any soft or hard skill with a class online. Did you miss something in your university experience you would like to explore? You can do that, too.
And yet, I feel the constant nudge to unlearn. Unlearn behaviors, ways of doing things, prescriptive ideas, and patterns.
When I started as a Main Street director, I thought my job and how the establishment rewarded me was to share what I knew. And I know a lot and have kept learning for the last 13 years. What I didn't realize, because I didn't even know this was possible, was that I could bring that in a way that was inclusive and collaborative through facilitation instead of headstrong forcing. I could have alleviated so many frustrations if I had that insight from the beginning.
But to give me a little break here (and every woman who came into leadership before 2020) - everything has changed in the world since I started working (first in the early 90s and throughout my career). We are having conversations now about equity and inclusion. We understand that leadership is about empowering others, not our pedestal. We see how the world functions as an ecosystem, not an organizational chart.
I wasn't the only one imposing my belief system into my work - that is what was expected and admired by my other Alpha types. I cringe now at my pushiness. Although, I see how ten years ago, I started on this transition towards designing with not for others.
It started small. I was doing a big event downtown with a million pieces. Complexity and creativity are something I still treasure if it is all presented with simplicity. I like rich textures and experiences in my work. Anyhoo, one of the pieces was a simple activity for kids. I had a volunteer working with the kids to string popcorn on a necklace with a blunt darning needle. I tested this with my daughter, who was going to school to get her master's in education. She assured me that kids four and up could do this with supervision. And so I popped a ton of air-popped popcorn and got a bunch of thread and blunt needles. I explained the project to the volunteer and left to see how another piece of the event was going. Low and behold, when I returned an hour later, the popcorn was all strung into necklaces and handed out to the kids. This was NOT the experience I had envisioned, but also, who cares? The kids were happy to have edible movie necklaces, the volunteer seemed happy stringing popcorn for the littles, and no one was harmed.
I learned right then that it doesn't matter how it's done - it matters how the experience feels for everyone. The volunteer didn't have the level of comfort of giving needles to kids to stab into popcorn. The kids didn't have the patience to do it at that busy event anyway. The outcome was the same in the end - everyone had edible necklaces. And most importantly, everyone felt good.
That small event triggered so much unlearning for me. Things like:
During an event is never the time to complain about the event. If you can fix it, do it. If you can't, and it isn't an emergency, hold the information until the debrief.
No one knows how you planned something to be; they only know what they experience. Let go of the planning when it happens and enjoy the experience with the guests.
There is no right way to do most things. There are ways, and we pick one. (This one is a constant struggle in towel folding in our house. My husband has his way, and I have no consistent way.)
Many diverse voices make things more interesting, even if it is just cacophony at first.
Decentralized learning allows for access to everyone at the speed they need, and being a gatekeeper to that learning is just a jerk move.
Encouraging radical and unexpected collaborations allows for innovative partners and projects.
When we get out of the way, we can enjoy the process of others.
Mostly, I'm not always right. Or at least I'm not the rightest.
It isn't that I don't think I have any more great ideas. I have many great ideas and will put them into the mix. It just isn't about that now in my work. I'm interested in how our ideas flourish together, how we collaborate, how I amplify your concept, and how we work together.
I can't change anything about how I approached my work before, but I can move forward with grace and kindness, which is new and feels great. Some people, hurt or pained in some way by my past self, won't be able to come to any table I set, and I'm sorry for that. Again, I can just set the table now and hope that whoever approaches is welcomed and feels great.
I have more unlearning that I'm doing, and I'll share that another time. I am curious, though, what have you unlearned? Are you the same leader you were before 2020? What have you explored? I'd love to know.
Thank you for sharing. So much to unlearn and SO much to learn from folks like you. Needed to hear some of this. <3