What if we chose and savored where we live?
This was a talk I gave at a Civic Session as part of my fellowship at Civic University. We are hosting four Civic Sessions (called Civic Saturdays throughout the US) this year, and I will share the talks here as they happen. Although this was given in my town, I believe this would ring true in your town, too. Tell me what you think.
How do these words and ideas land: democracy, declaration of independence, bill of rights, constitution, civic engagement, human ingenuity, idealism, possibilities, state and local elections, freedom, voting, volunteering, change, and civil rights?
This year we are exploring where we land on Civic Love in our own lives and what it means to be a civic participant through these Civic Sessions. What does it mean to love where you live? As in any relationship, you probably have to either fall in love with it the first time or rekindle that love before you fight for it. One way to start to love it is to savor it.
In recent years, there have been studies on the idea of savoring and how it might improve our lives. What is savoring? It's paying attention to pleasure.
It seems fitting to end the month of love talking about pleasure, doesn't it?
It's about swirling the moment around in your mind. That's what savoring is. We usually think about it around food, but it's an idea about savoring life. How do you do it?
You look forward to something.
Enjoy it when it occurs.
Reminisce about it afterward.
Sounds easy, doesn't it? And yet, we forget that we know how. Some of you might be natural savorers, but the rest of us can learn to cultivate it. In Julia Baird's memoir Phosphorescence she provides a roadmap on savoring.
We can:
Eat slowly.
Don't get distracted.
Be present.
Look for something beautiful on your daily walk.
Don't waste time on fault finding or dwelling in mishaps.
Avoid negative people.
They say that might be the most important thing. You have to root out the people who only see shade in the light of life.
Tell friends when you hear good news.
They even say you should jump up and down when you are excited.
Throw a party to mark your achievements or someone else's.
Explore meditation.
Hunt awe.
Embrace imperfection. The lower your bar on how things SHOULD be, the greater your happiness for how they turn out.
Assume the best.
It seems simple, doesn't it?
And yet.
How many meetings have you attended where there was ridicule, calculation, and downright ugliness? How often online is someone getting on their soap box and pontificating how it should be done even though they aren't doing it? How often in conversation do you suspect that folks aren't assuming the best of intentions from those around them?
I'm not here to pretend mistakes don't happen, and there aren't bad apples, and real problems are extinct. I am here to say that if we don't make it a practice to remember what we love about living in this particular spot we call home, we degrade the experience for everyone else and ourselves.
I've been with my husband for five years married and 35 years total. It has been a wild ride, folks. We were kids when we dove into life together. We have made mistakes, laughed a lot, cried, celebrated one another, argued, and were silent in our frustration. Several years ago, I decided that my greatest joy was us and that I would choose us again every day. Is it perfect? Nope. Do I mess up? Yep. But every single day, I get to rechoose us, and I am better for it. It's the choice. It's not what happens. It's not the perfection or imperfection. I have agency over my life, and every day I rechoose to spend it doing this. And not only do I get to rechoose, but I can also savor. I can relish the laughter, the tender moments, and even the minutia.
I believe that is the same thing happening in our civic lives. Before we fall madly in love or step into whatever it means to have a civic life, we have to rechoose to and then we have to savor it fully.
We all chose to live here. Even if you are one of the rare ones born and raised here, you have chosen to stay. All of it is a choice.
Why choose and then begin the process of savoring where you live? Why does it even matter? Because it might just be the most revolutionary thing, we get to do as citizens. We get to fully step into a relationship with the place we call home. We get to move it, shape it, engage with it and be part of it. It is all a choice, and there are a lot of competing things that would like you to choose them - that fantastic show on Netflix, that gamer on Twitch, shopping online for one more thing you don't need - those things might feel good for a second, but building a lasting relationship with where you live could impact you, your neighbors and generations to come. How amazing is that?
It might start really small. It might mean you say hi to the teller in the bank line. You might go to a meeting at your kid's school. You don't have to volunteer for anything - just attend the meeting. That's the start. You might start shopping at the farmers market to see what's being produced locally. You might see about volunteering with a nonprofit. We are looking at small steps into your civic life, and the very first step is to decide to love it.
Each day this year, we ask you to step into your day, remembering that you chose to be here. That you loved it once and you can love it again. That's it. And when we gather again at the end of the year, we can talk about how we felt. How living here might have been enhanced, how we might have stepped into love, and how we savored it.
Whew. Ok. Session over. Back to this newsletter. Tell me about your relationship with where you live. Are you involved in your community? I’m curious why or why not. Were you in the past, but you aren’t now? What changed?
Hey, are you a Main Street person? I have three sessions I’m part of in Boston, and I’d love to connect. What about a New York Landmark Preservation Conference attendee? I’ll be there in April, and I’d love to have coffee or connect there, too. Say hi in the comments below, and let’s figure out how to make real connection happen in a conference setting!
I’m also booking consulting, speaking, and team building for this year and next year. I have a goal session I’m doing with a company team this month, a team building in April, with a municipality and nonprofit strategic plan process, too. But I have room for you, and I’d love to talk about how that might work for you. You can see what I’m offering on my site (I just fluffed it up… and, well, it’s pretty sweet.) You can also send me an email, and we can talk about possibilities.