Nope. Not feeling it and I don't want to go.
What happens when you are grumpy or in a bad mood and you have to go do something? How do you shake yourself out of it?
Not feeling it. Now what?
What happens when you have a meeting, event, class, or even social event you are going to, and you don't feel it? Are you cranky, unsure if it will be a good day, stressed from other things, or tired? How do you show up as your best self in those moments?
Last week, I talked about how important it is to welcome folks, and hopefully, you are thinking about how you are welcoming people into the spaces you are part of or joining. Now let's see how we can tackle the case of the not feeling it vibes.
I use several strategies to pep myself up for my next thing. I use a variety of these even if I am psyched about meeting folks or attending something, but I really pull them out when I'm struggling to want to go.
Fake It Until You Make It: Now, in a society that pressures women especially to be happy all of the time and entertain the people around them, I am not advocating for this strategy long term. Fake It Until You Make It is when you get out of bed grumpy, eat your breakfast grumpy, and can't get over the grump fest of the moment. And it is precisely what it sounds like. You just jump into the meeting, class, or social scene and act like it is fine until it really is. All moods are passing through us, and if you give it a moment, you might find that the grumpfest has moved on.
Both physiological and psychological things happen when we "fake it until we make it." One is that when we assume a posture of confidence, we are physically changing our bodies to feel more powerful - think about Amy Cuddy's research on the Power Pose - and it changes how we feel. We start to feel confident.
The psychological change we feel is caused by cognitive dissonance. When we behave like things are okay, the mind makes the leap that maybe things are okay. This leap can lessen that grumpy morning.
Smile! A lot of science says smiling can actively change your mood. Smiling activates your brain to influence your emotional state. When you put on a happy face, you can trick your mind into becoming happier. Now, this ALSO has gender-cultural implications. Women are often told to smile - which isn't appropriate - but if you CHOOSE to try this yourself because you want to be happier, it is a great strategy to change your mood. It doesn't even have to be a wild smile. Just a little upturn of the lips can be enough to make the brain think happy thoughts.
Let's give ourselves a pep talk. I talk to myself in my car before gatherings, meetings, and events. Thank goodness we all have phones now because maybe I don't look too lonely. I recommend telling yourself how you want to feel in any given setting. This reminder that we can have some agency around what we feel and can coach ourselves helps us reach a better state of mind. I usually go a bit further and rehearse how I want to welcome folks, what I might need to say, and how I am presenting (if that's what I'm heading out to do) different information. That practice and pep talk can change grumpy to golden in one 5 minute drive.
Put on the happy beats! Music helps. Find music that uplifts you. Create a morning playlist to find your sunny spot. Get a go-to song to play in the car on the way. Music as a tool to change mood is well documented, and we have the power to play just about anything we want to. Get into your groove, and it will change how you show up.
Cross the threshold to be a new person. I use the threshold of doorways as a reminder to be my best self. When I enter a door, I repeat to myself that this will be a good day, and there is something about stepping over the threshold that feels symbolic of making that happen.
And sometimes, just don't go. When you are feeling particularly cranky and you have the option to opt out, please do it. Folks don't need you raining on their parade. We live in a society that prizes obligation over mental and physical health. We tell people, 'If I say I'm going, I'm going.' And that's great, but it costs us dearly and can ruin good moments for others if we are in a terrible enough mood. We can't always choose not to go, but I suggest it when you can. Mostly, you and your bad mood won't be missed by anyone.
What do you do? How do you shake off a bad mood? How do you help your kids do that? We are all in this together, friend, and I'm betting you have a way that works.
Fun things I've been up to: I am painting two large canvases to replace the Christmas paintings that I did. You can follow along on Instagram Stories, where I share that. I just hosted an annual retreat for my Main Street board, and I'm proud of our work. I'm set to head to do a Design Thinking training for the state of Louisiana Main Street and am booked for a goal-setting workshop with a real estate group in February. Planning a meeting or conference, or have a group that needs a facilitator or speaker? Let's talk. I'd love to come.
I love this idea of thresholds!