TL;DR Been told to to tone down your authenticity and conform to narrow expectations? Let's advocate for celebrating authenticity and creating spaces where everyone can shine brightly without apology.
Oh yes. All my life I’ve been told that I’m too much, too big, too expressive, too hyper, too outspoken, too honest, too emotional, too intimidating. My voice is too loud. My laugh is too loud. My footsteps are too loud. My gestures are too big, too spazzy, too animated. My face is too animated. My clothes are too bright. My style is too weird. I am too weird. It goes on and on and on. Simultaneously, I’m so talented that I am equally “not enough.” 😝
Of course, I was a female athlete and academic in Northern Minnesota of the 70s & 80s. I was destined to become a professional belly dancer, a religion-less spiritual mystic, and a multiple degree black belt—but I was born into conservative, sex-phobic, Minnesota Nice Catholicism. I visited the Vatican. Once. And then I truly understood.
With one awesome exception, I worked as a secretary and executive assistant in offices all run by men, some of whom were more swaggering, domineering and controlling than others (if not outright abusive and sexually harassing). The restaurants I performed at were owned by very sweet men, but they all came from cultures even more patriarchal than the States, and being a belly dancer in general…well…enough said. Being a female martial artist and one of the only fighter chicks in medieval armor? Even worse. Even among the Almighty Sisterhoods of belly dance and sister circles I’ve been told I’m too much. But I’m a Fire Sign, AuDHD, a loudmouth activist, and an innovator.
Oh yeah. As a 23 year survivor of TBI and spinal degeneration with the body awareness and health needs of a pro athlete, don’t even get me started on the… *issues* I’ve had with doctors—mostly male or the masculinized femininity that abounds in a field where women have to battle so hard to get half the distance. “Hysterical Female Syndrome” has been one of my main diagnoses since 1992. Because I open my mouth. Too much.
Same reasons why I don’t even date any more. Especially when voicing my needs and my NO one too many times to one too many of my partners eventually incited them to violence. One of them put me on disability when he tried to put me in my place. Didn’t work. Obviously. Because here I am again. Being my full, unapologetic rainbow-bright self.
🔥🌈😜🌈🔥
So heck yes! Creating this space is one of my main missions. Woot!
Though I haven’t yet been told to “tone it down” in the workplace (knock on wood), I have experienced it in a personal relationship, in the way you describe so well as a subtle questioning of one’s ability and intention. Over time it became debilitating. It’s so important to remind one another to be on the lookout for those red flags in all relationships.
Oh yes. All my life I’ve been told that I’m too much, too big, too expressive, too hyper, too outspoken, too honest, too emotional, too intimidating. My voice is too loud. My laugh is too loud. My footsteps are too loud. My gestures are too big, too spazzy, too animated. My face is too animated. My clothes are too bright. My style is too weird. I am too weird. It goes on and on and on. Simultaneously, I’m so talented that I am equally “not enough.” 😝
Of course, I was a female athlete and academic in Northern Minnesota of the 70s & 80s. I was destined to become a professional belly dancer, a religion-less spiritual mystic, and a multiple degree black belt—but I was born into conservative, sex-phobic, Minnesota Nice Catholicism. I visited the Vatican. Once. And then I truly understood.
With one awesome exception, I worked as a secretary and executive assistant in offices all run by men, some of whom were more swaggering, domineering and controlling than others (if not outright abusive and sexually harassing). The restaurants I performed at were owned by very sweet men, but they all came from cultures even more patriarchal than the States, and being a belly dancer in general…well…enough said. Being a female martial artist and one of the only fighter chicks in medieval armor? Even worse. Even among the Almighty Sisterhoods of belly dance and sister circles I’ve been told I’m too much. But I’m a Fire Sign, AuDHD, a loudmouth activist, and an innovator.
Oh yeah. As a 23 year survivor of TBI and spinal degeneration with the body awareness and health needs of a pro athlete, don’t even get me started on the… *issues* I’ve had with doctors—mostly male or the masculinized femininity that abounds in a field where women have to battle so hard to get half the distance. “Hysterical Female Syndrome” has been one of my main diagnoses since 1992. Because I open my mouth. Too much.
Same reasons why I don’t even date any more. Especially when voicing my needs and my NO one too many times to one too many of my partners eventually incited them to violence. One of them put me on disability when he tried to put me in my place. Didn’t work. Obviously. Because here I am again. Being my full, unapologetic rainbow-bright self.
🔥🌈😜🌈🔥
So heck yes! Creating this space is one of my main missions. Woot!
Though I haven’t yet been told to “tone it down” in the workplace (knock on wood), I have experienced it in a personal relationship, in the way you describe so well as a subtle questioning of one’s ability and intention. Over time it became debilitating. It’s so important to remind one another to be on the lookout for those red flags in all relationships.